Sending.Love.C.Tea

Crush on a guy.

2010-03-13T00:32:00.000-08:00

Love or Just a Crush ?

Last night Something happened For the first time Deep inside It was a rush What a rush.
Cause the possibility That you would ever Feel the same way About me.
Why do I keep running From the truth All I ever think About is you.
You got me hypnotized,So mesmerized. And I just got to know.

Do you ever think, When your all alone. All that we can be, Where this thing can go.
Am I crazy ? Or falling in love ?
Is it really Just another crush ?
Do you catch a breath ,When I look at you? Are you holding back
Like the way I do ?
Cuz im tryin tryin to walk away
But I know this crush
Ain't goin' away....

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Last goodbye.

2010-01-09T10:01:00.000-08:00

Love.

I dont want to walk away.And i dont wanna lose u too. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let u go. Baby i cnt have u no more. Im tired of getting hurt. Im tired of putting up with ur lies. Look at me in the eyes and tell that u need me. Cos right now im leaving. I cant stay around and act as if nothing's wrong between us two. I cant live another day without knowing whr my heart belongs or is it for u. I know i did something better than this. I know i cnt do better than this. So why shld i even try. Im letting u go. This is my last goodbye.

I cnt believe u called me tat night. and thought that everything was goin all right. You let me on , got me thinking whats goin on. But i cnt thelp but to blame myself. For the actions tat i made so blind to see wat a fool ive been. So stupid of me. i cld've jst walked away and nvr come back.

Nvr come back and this is my last goodbye to u.

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Goodbye 2009.Hello 2010.

2010-01-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

Life.

Another year has past. Alot of things happen in year 2009. The sweet and bitter memories. 2009 has been a hectic year for me. Financial,family,relationship and such. But this year.. i have a new year resolution.

1. To discipline myself in everyways.
2. Get to know as many guys as i want BUT not relationship.
3. Start saving ( $50 - $100 per mth )
4. Have a change in appearance
5. Smile & Laugh more

=)

Must try to achive this 5 things. You can do it siti. Believe in urself.
Happy 2010 siti.

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Im gone.

2009-12-25T10:55:00.000-08:00

Love.

Remember all the things we wanted. Now all our memories they're hauunted.
We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held higher.
It'll never would've worked out right. We were never meant for do or die.

I dint want us to burn out. I dint come here to hold you. Now i cnt stop.
I want you know that it doesnt matter where we take this road. Someone's gotta go.
I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on.
So im already gone.

Looking at you makes it harder.
But i know you'll find another that doesnt always makes you wanna cry.
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in.
Perfect couldnt keep this love alive.

You know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go.

We were always meant to say goodbye.

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Someday.

2009-12-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

Life.

Nothing seems to be the way that it used to. Everything seems shallow god give me truth. In me, and tell me somebody watching over me. And tat is all im praying tat someday, i will understand. In god's whole plan, and what he does to me. Oh but maybe someday i will breathe and i'll finally see. See it all me.

No moment will be true than the moment im looking at me. Its in me. Seeing somebody's watching over me. And tats all im praying tat someday i will understand...

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One go.Many come.

2009-12-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

Love.

Its been so long. And ive moved on. I never regret doin this. After the truth is out, ive finally see your true colors. And its hard to beileve but i have to. Today is a special day for me. I meet up with one of my guy frend. He's my ex but we've been contacting each other. On and Off. And today he fetch me home. Its been 7yrs since we know each other. We talked alot in the car. We laugh out loud. Jokes. He got a girl. But he doesnt seems to care abt his own girl. Well, hard to say about this.

I have 2 man in my life. One is someone whom i know for 3yrs. And the other 7yrs. Both is perfect for me. But my heart is not open yet for love. Still fixing it. I wanna take things slow. Let fate show me the way to a man i really love. After he left, man start coming to my life. One by one. Maybe this time i'll find the man who truly love me and treasure me. Its hard for me to fall in love now. One step at a time i guess.

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Go Away.

2009-11-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

Life.

Im feeling so down. I dont know what im doing right now. I just dont wanna communicate.

no more laughter.

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It'll Get Better In Time.

2009-11-27T13:10:00.000-08:00

Life.

Aint easy. Full of ups and downs. If only i can turn back time or know how my future gona be, tat'l be great. But unfortunately, u cnt decide what u want in life. You can plan and god will decide.

Things around me are getting worse. My mum is back in icu. And her condition is getting worse. The best part is, everyone in my family is deciding for my life. I feel so depressed. Lost. Pressured by all the decision they make for me. I have to move out of my house at bukit batok and stay with my cuz at hougang . Dont know till when. It was a rushed decision for me as i wasnt prepared for anything. Now im staying here at hougang , i really feel the distance with my love ones at west side. Thou i noe its still in s'pore, but i can still feel the distance in between. The long road. Miss them. The night life with them there is totally amazing. I dont know if i cn still do tat with them as now im staying here and i've got curfew. Its really stressful for me. To think about the travelling to work and visiting my mum in hospital is a distance to me. I dont know wads gonna happen next. I really wish tat my mum will recover soon. So tat i cn go back to my home at bukit batok and stay with my mum and cn chill out with my love ones at night.

Sometimes i wish, this is just a dream. Perhaps a nightmare. But when i open my eyes, its actually real. As for my mum condition, its really getting worse. I wish i culd take the pain away from her. All i can do now is to pray hard for her. Miss her alot But i nvr for once regret spending those time with her even if its only for like 2 plus years. I miss her. Oh yes i miss her.

It'll all get better in time siti. Hanging there.

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Little Things

2009-11-23T07:51:00.000-08:00

Love.

Sometimes i find myself sitting back and reminiscing. Especially when i have to watch other people kissing. And i remember when you started calling me your mrs. All the play fighting and all the flirtatious disses.I'd tell u sad stories about my childhood. I dont know y i trusted u but i knew that i culd.

Dreams.. Dreams of when we started things. It seems that i cnt shake those memories. I wonder if u have the same dreams too. The littlest things that take me there. I know it sounds lame but its so true. I noe its not right but it seems unfair. that things are reminding me of you. Sometimes i wish we culd just pretend even if only for one weekends.

So c'mon.. tell me is this the end ?

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Days Of Her Life

2009-11-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Life.

I never regret living with her. Maybe i think i did make the right decision to move in with her 3yrs ago. She is the most precious thing in my life. Seeing her in such a state really make me sad. I nvr tot tat i wuld only get the chance to spent 2yrs of my life with her. Thou she nvr see me grow up but tat nvr stop me from calling her 'Mum'. And i really love her as much as i love my aunt who took care of me since im young. And now, its my turn to look after her. Thou her condition is getting worse but i'll nvr fail to keep myself strong and look after her. I miss those days when we spend time together. I miss hearing her voice. I miss her cooking. I miss her nagging. And above all I just miss her. I cnt help myself seeing her in such a state. Its like as thou she's waiting for her time to go. Go far away.

Everyday before im off to work, i will kiss her forehead. Sometimes i wonder if she even realised im doing tat. At times i ask myself if im a good daugther to her. Cause i came home late every day after work. I nvr did tat puurposely but i cant bare seeing her in such a state. It pain my heart. And inside me is crying everyday seeing her lidat.

Im feeling the loneliness in the house. Its not like how it used to be. I used to wake up every morning and see her in the kitchen cooking. Or she will come to my room and open my window. She will cover me in my blanket. She will sing out loud and wake me up. She wil make for me breakfast. She treat me like a rose. She gave me room to grow. she showered me with love. But it seems like i have to do tat all by myself now.

And now, all she is do is sleep. The day when she sleep peacefully is the day i noe she's not coming back. How i wish tat.. i culd take the pain away from her.

I love you mum. And forever you shall cherish in my heart. I just miss you alot. I wish you hear me.

If only i knew...

Her life.

2009-11-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

Love.

I used to think that i have the answers to everything. But now i know that life doesn't always go by my way. Sometimes i feel like im caught in the middle. But i realized that im growing up into a women. At times, there is no need to protect me, Its time that i learn to face up to this on my own. Ive seen so much more than you now. So dun tell me to shut my eyes.

If you look at me closely, you will see it in my eyes that this girl will always find her ways..

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Pull through.

2009-11-07T00:33:00.000-08:00

Love.

Its been a month plus or so ever since we broke up. I admit ure still fresh in my mind. Thou it hurts me so to hear u gotta replacement, i try not to think too much about it. Tryna get myself busy with my stuff. Like hang around with friends and stuff lidat. Im also trying to get myself back on track. I've been crying all night thinking about you. The doctor even gave me a sleeping pills cause im having sleepless night. The doctor even said that i might be suffering from 'Depression'. That bad uh. Cnt help much cause i really love you and i think about you every now and then. I know u've moved on so maybe i should do the same.

Tryna not to think about you anymore. Its over. Im starting to realised that ure really gone now boy. Silly me to still think and cry for you when you alrdy had a new girl.

You called me on thursday nite, i dint pick up. Cause i don't wanna cry and i don't wanna communicate. But in my mind i was wondering why did you call. I don't think there's anything tat we can talk about.

I don't know. Just go and leave me. Let bygones be bygones.
Go.. Im letting you go. Letting you go now.

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sleeping pills.

2009-11-06T01:39:00.001-08:00

Sleepless night.

Im thinking about you in my sleepless night. If its wrong to love
you then my heart just won't let me be right.Cause im drowned in you and i won't pull tru without you by
my side.

I give my all to have just one more night with you. I risks my life to feel
your body next to mine.

Baby can you feel me. Imagining me looking in your eyes.
Well i cn see you clearly in my eyes.

have you ever love someone so much till it make u cry?
have you ever try to find the words but they dun come out right ?
have you ever ?

The truth.

2009-11-03T00:33:00.000-08:00

Love.

It hurts. Really hurts to know tat u've got a replacement for me . That was fast. Good job uh. Thinking about it make my heart even more pain. Try not to think abt it but its still in my mind. Still fresh thr. I feel like shit. I feel so fuck up. You said this and that but now u got a new girl. Fuck You.

Just Go.

Myself.

2009-11-01T02:31:00.000-08:00

In my room all alone. I don't even wanna pick up the telephone.
Because i cant relate. I cant communicate.
Not since that day you left me.

Trouble with love.

2009-10-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

Love.

It can be a many splendid thing. Has another joy you bring. A dozen roses, Diamond rings, Dreams for sale and fairy tales. It'll make you hear a symphony, and you'll just want the world to see. But like a drunk that makes you blind, It'll fool you everytime.

Cause the trouble with love is..
It can tear you up inside. Make your heart believe a lie. Gets stronger then your pride.

I was onced a fool its true. I played the game by all the rules. But now my world's a deeper blue. Im sadder but im wiser too. I swore i'd never love again. I swore my heart would never mend. Said love wasnt worth the pain. But then i hear it call my name.

Everytime i turn around. I think ive got it all. My heart keeps calling and i keep on falling. Over and over again. This sad story always end the same. Me standing in the pouring rain. It seems no matter what i do. It tears my heart in two.

......................

You're still there.

2009-10-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Love,

Perhaps today is gonna be the last day we met. I dunu y but i agree to go with u. You fetch me. And along the way, i feel like as thou we are still together. But sad thing we are not. I was pretty much happy that im with u the whole day. When We were at the house, we were so close to each other. Your family were there. And we're close. We took pictures together, i served u, And there's this point of time whereby we accidently called each other 'B' = baby. And there's like a moment of silent before we continue doing our on stuff. At that point of time i told myself if only we are still together but sadly we're not.

You then send me home. All the way till the stairs like you usually did. I cant help it , i turn back and gave you a hug. And you hug me back. So tighly till that i dun wanna let u go. I missed you so much, And i still love you. I cried while hugging u. Cnt help it. Its coming to a mth ever since u left me. And i feel so lost. I dunu where to start. Sometimes i told myself that one day u will come back to me. But when i think back again, i dun think u will come back to me. Cause u onced said that i deserved someone better than u. So i kept telling myself to move on. And it will all get better in time.

Maybe like some say, It takes time to heal a broken heart. I always pray and hope that u'll come back. But i find it impossible. Cause i cn see that uve move on. So maybe i think i should move on too.

If only you reading this..

Better in time.

2009-10-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

You and Another Guy.

He called and asked me out for a date. And so i go. It was a very romantic dinner. He gave me sun flower as a mark of the day. It was my favourite flower anyway. All along, he was so sincered. The way he talked. The way he confess every little thing. He proposed to me. He gave me a stalk of rose n inside it ther's a ring. It was engraved with my name n his name on it. And it fits me. I was speechless. I lost all the words to say. And he said this to me ' Take ur time to think abt the ans. I will wait patienly for u even if it take years'. I was touched by the words he said. But... I cant accept him. Im not ready to be in a relationship. I need a break. I mean ya even thou im moving on but.. maybe you are still there. Still there around me.

You text me and ask me abt this sun. I dunu y but each time i saw ur name in the msn window, my heart will start to beat fast. my hands start to shiver. my stomach will start to feel butterfly. Even thou its like alrdy 21 days ever since u left me, but i still feel ur presence. You are still thr around me. Ever since u left me..You text me. You wanna go this sun with me. You wan me to wait for u this sun. You hold my hand the other day. You wrap me ard ur arms to console me. You called me when u heard about my problems. You said u still care abt me. And again u gave me hope.

Why.. You come and go as thou nothing happen between us.

Its been the longest winter without you. And i dunu where to turn to. See somehow ure still there ard me after all we've been tru.

I wish i could find the words to say.. And i wish u could find ur words to say to me.

Over It.

2009-10-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Gonna Be the last from me to you;

Look.. i dunu y i love u so much. I gave you all of my trust. Now its all down the drain. You put me through the pain. And i wanna let u know how i feel. Whatever i say dun mean shit now. Whatever the presents might as well throw them out.

You tot u culd keep this shit from me.

And you questioned me, oh well did i care . You can asked anyone, i even said you were my great one. But now its over. And i do admit im sad. It hurts real bad. You tell me you need me Then you go and cut me down. Its so deep till it hurts down to my soul. But wait.. you tel me ure sorry.

Dint i turn to you and say that its too late to apologise.

.......

Thinking.

2009-10-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

Love.

Im dying inside cause i stand it. Make up or break up i cant take this madness. We dun even really know but all i noe is baby i try n try so hard to keep our love alive. If u dunu me at this point then i highly doubt u ever will. Irealy need u to give me that unconditional love i used to feel. Its no mistaking. We're just erasing from our hearts n mind. And i know we say let go bt i keep on hanging on. Inside i know its over .Boy u really gone. Its killing me cause there aint nothing that i cn do baby. And i keep on telling myself that u come back around. And i try to front like ' oh well ' each time u let me down. See i cant get over u now no matter what i do. We still need each other when we stumble and fall.

How we gona act like we aint nothing at all..

Why Bother.

2009-10-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

Finally he called;

I pick up his call and he wanted to meet up. What shall i say. Right. We met under my void deck. He's fucking irritating. Asked me qns like ' where uve been' 'why come back late' etc..

Oh c'mon.. There's nothing between us so please stop asking me questions. Dun tryna act that you care. Just fuck off. You left me in tears without turning back. You've fooled me twice. No chance that i will trust you again. Really. I'm not the old ct u noe, time has make me strong and im starting to move on. Time has change the old ct to a new ct.

From him to me.

2009-10-11T05:12:00.000-07:00

And he said this to me ;

Here i am broken wings. Quiet tots unspoken dreams. Here i am alone again. I need her now to hold my hand.

She's all ive ever had. She's the air i breathe.

Its the way she makes me feel. Its the only thing thats real. Its the way she understand. She's my lover she's my frend. And when i look into her eyes, its the way i feel inside.
Like the man i wanna be. She's all ive ever need.

Fixing A Broken Heart.

2009-10-11T03:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting here all alone thinking about you and me. I really wanna knoe where i go wrong. The day you left me, i feel so lost. I dunu whre to go. And i dunu where to start.

There's nothing to say the day you left me. I hailed the taxi with tears looking for some place to ease the pain.

...
Ive lost the words to say.

Why..

2009-10-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

You and me.
We used to be together.
Everyday together.
Always..

But now.
We're so far a part.
We're in our on worlds.
Why..

I used to think that we both can go far.
Far away from this world.
But i guess i can stop dreaming now.
Because..
Its not gonna hapen.
Why..

You left me in tears.
You left me all alone.
You left me with a broken heart.
You screwed up everything.
Why..

You gave me hope.
You gave me love.
You gave the attention that i want.
Why..